


Eden Farm

by LadyMadrigal



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:55:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21721813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMadrigal/pseuds/LadyMadrigal
Summary: After the Apocalypse that wasn't, it's Crowley, not Aziraphale, who finds himself banished. But is once a demon really always a demon? And when will Crowley figure out that Aziraphale still loves him anyway?(Rating is for later chapters - the first part is pure angsty fluff)
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	1. Love of my Life, Don't Leave Me

“Dearest, are you all right? You’re quiet,” Aziraphale said. He was worried. Crowley was letting him drive the Bentley. 

“I’m okay,” Crowley lied. He was leaning on the window, listless. He’d let his hair grow back out long since the Not-Apocalypse, and it was mostly hiding his face. 

Aziraphale didn’t believe it, but didn’t press him on it, either. Crowley hadn’t been himself since abruptly being summoned to Hell about three weeks earlier. He’d returned unharmed, much to Aziraphale’s relief, but strangely quiet and withdrawn. Aziraphale had finally suggested that they get away from London altogether, to a little farm just over the Welsh border that they had recently bought from their friend Maddy Baker and her daughter. It was a wonderful little place, with stone walls, an old barn, unused pastures and the most perfect little stone farmhouse one could have imagined. He was hoping that it might bring poor Crowley out of his depression. 

“I think we’re going to beat the storm, love,” he said after a moment. “What did they name this one? Desmond?”

“Something like that. I think.” Crowley said softly. He was afraid that Aziraphale was going to start pressing him for the details of what had happened in that meeting. It wasn’t exactly shame that was keeping him quiet. It was that he was afraid that Aziraphale was going to leave him if he knew. And honestly, he was going to find out. 

Find out sooner or later that Crowley had managed to get himself kicked out of Hell. 

Falling had been one thing. But this? It was admittedly unprecedented. No demon had ever been banished from Hell before. But he guessed there had to be a first time for everything. He just didn’t get why he had to be the test case. 

Well, maybe he did. 

There was the little matter of him having fallen in love with a certain soft, round and utterly adorable angel. 

It really hadn’t been the fact that he was consorting with The Enemy. It was the fact that he was actually in love with the “Enemy” he was consorting with. Because demons could not, did not, were not allowed to love anything. It went entirely against protocol. But “protocol” had never anticipated a sweet, adorable, round and soft vanilla and white-chocolate scented angel with the most gorgeous blue eyes Crowley had ever seen. An angel who, for all his soft plump sweetness, was also a total, unapologetic badass when necessary, who wielded a mean flaming sword – when he wasn’t giving it away and then lying to God Herself about it. And who also happened to be a scatterbrained, anxious mess at the same time, did bad magic tricks, annoyed the crap out of him, took six thousand years to even admit he felt the same way – and turned out to be the most ridiculous, over-the-top romantic who had ever existed once he actually did. What was a demon to do when faced with all of this?

Because seriously? It was impossible not to love Aziraphale.

But why would Aziraphale want to waste his time with someone who wasn’t anything anymore? Someone caught in limbo who might as well have been nothing more than a human now. Not that being a human would be really bad, he supposed.

“That wasn’t such a bad drive.” Aziraphale startled him out of his increasingly gloomy thoughts. “We made it here in what? An hour?’

“More or less.” They were pulling into the long driveway. 

Aziraphale pulled the Bentley around behind the house to a small shed that they used as a garage. Crowley obligingly snapped his fingers to open the door. 

“Thank you, dearest.” Aziraphale leaned over to kiss him on the cheek before pulling in. He briefly considered carrying their far too many suitcases in by hand, but decided to miracle them up to the bedroom instead. 

As Crowley got out of the Bentley, he was accompanied by an unexpected flurry of black feathers. 

“Dear?” Aziraphale picked several up. “Have you been molting?”

“A little.” That was the other problem. The stress of the past three weeks had triggered a molt. Crowley was miserable trying to hide his wings – it was very uncomfortable when one was molting - but he’d lost so many feathers that he was ashamed to show them. Enough that if Aziraphale saw, he’d probably freak out. 

Aziraphale looked at him for a moment, frowning with worry.

~*~  
An hour or so later, Aziraphale had taken Maddy’s little VW, which she had told them was theirs to use while that were up there, and gone to pick up some supplies before the storm got started. It was already winding itself up, they were having snow showers, almost squalls, although nothing was sticking to the roads – yet. 

Day-old bread? Perfect for French toast. And the assorted muffins looked good, too. 

He had found the shop, a place called Turco’s that inhabited a former Sainsbury’s, without any trouble. It was just as Maddy had described – independent high-end with a food court. He rather wished that Crowley had come along, but he’d fallen asleep on the bed while Aziraphale was trying to quickly unpack. Rather than awakening him, Aziraphale had left a note on the kitchen table, in case his beloved awoke while he was out, and hurried to take care of things before they were snowed in. He had to smile at that thought. Snowed in with his dear Crowley…

Strawberries? This time of year? Oh, and blueberries, too? Those kiwis look good…

He wished that Crowley would tell him what was bothering him so much. Because really, he couldn’t take seeing his poor darling so sad. He hadn’t even really been interested in sex the past three weeks – at least, not in letting Aziraphale do anything to him, although he’d certainly been willing to pleasure his angel however he wished. But honestly, Aziraphale thought, it wasn’t as much fun if he couldn’t reciprocate. It felt selfish. 

Cocoa. Marshmallows. Oh, and teabags. And sugar, next aisle over. 

It wasn’t that he hadn’t been in love with Crowley for a very long time. It was that honestly, he’d been afraid to let on. He was the one who’d had more to lose in the whole affair, should Heaven have decided that he needed to be held accountable for fraternizing with a demon. Fraternizing was one thing, but what they’d ended up doing after they made it back to Soho after the Notpocalypse was something else again. He’d been an exhausted, shattered mess, not knowing that his bookshop was once again standing, knowing that they would be coming for him and Crowley at first light. If it was to have been their last moments in existence, well – like Crowley had said, they might as well make the most of it. That first kiss – he would have been content with just that, he’d thought, but then Crowley had taken him to bed and done – well, everything to him. It had been ridiculous and amazing and bloody wonderful. He hadn’t known what to expect. He knew what humans did with “those bits,” as Crowley had so amusingly put it once, but hadn’t thought it applied to his own. Although angels were believed to be sexless, “asexual” was actually more accurate. They had all the proper bits in the proper configurations, but the desire to use them was another matter altogether. Whereas, in Crowley’s case, seduction was part of the job description. 

Sugar. Cinnamon and nutmeg. And maple syrup. Pancake mix, too. Eggs and milk were at the back, he supposed. 

And whatever he might have expected could never have been as wonderful as what actually happened. Even swapping bodies hadn’t been as intimate as the moment of his first orgasm, clinging to his dark love. tangled in the sheets and looking into Crowley’s strange eyes as it took him, both of them breathless and dazed, drenched in sweat. He wasn’t sure how many more there had been after that – he was a little hazy on some of the details – but suffice it to say that Crowley was a surprisingly gentle, considerate and very, very thorough lover. He was certain that had they not gotten to know each other in the Biblical sense beforehand, they would never have been able to pull off the body swap afterwards. But they had.

Wait. What else do I need to make crepes? Oh right. Eggs and milk. Half and half. These cinnamon rolls look nice for being tinned. And chocolate chip cookies and crescent rolls. Sushi? And it was fresh? He quite liked this little place. Maddy was right. They’d thought of everything here. 

The first few weeks following the Not-Apocalypse were a bit of a blur, only because they’d spent it in an erotic daze, barely able to keep their hands – or lips – off of each other. Aziraphale still wondered how humans managed to get anything done. He’d said as much to Crowley one evening, when they were snuggled together in his dark love’s bed. Crowley had found it quite amusing. 

Am I forgetting anything?

He had to hurry up. The weather was deteriorating and he wanted to be back at the farmhouse with Crowley snuggled in his arms.

This was going to be absolutely wonderful.  
~*~  
Crowley was awakened by the slam of the outside door. He came downstairs, half-awake, forgetting to shield his wings, thinking it was Aziraphale.

It was Gabriel. He was leaving a book on the kitchen table. Unbeknownst to Crowley, he had also “accidentally” disposed of Aziraphale’s note. 

“What are you doing here?” Crowley said. “And what happened to knocking on doors? Or don’t your lot do that up there?”

“Oh, it’s you. I thought you might be here. Alone.” The Archangel had realized that Aziraphale was nowhere to be found at the moment. He just hadn’t expected that Crowley would have been left behind.

Crowley frowned. “Aziraphale’s somewhere.”

Gabriel smirked. “Not anymore. Nice stress molt you have going there, Crowley.”

Crowley folded his tattered wings tightly, but didn’t hide them altogether. There wasn’t any point in it. “Okay, what do you really want?”

Gabriel put the book on the table, then looked at Crowley. “You do know that he knows, don’t you?” He hadn’t come here for this, but finding Aziraphale’s little pet has-been demon unattended was too good an opportunity to pass up. He still couldn’t believe that God Herself had told them all – quite sternly – that they were to leave these two ineffable idiots alone. 

“What do you mean?” Crowley knew very well what Gabriel meant and went cold. 

“Your angel. He knows all about your little – situation. And he doesn’t want you either. That’s why he brought you out here.” He took a seemingly casual step forward, backing Crowley into the refrigerator.

“Just leave the book and get out. Aziraphale won’t be too happy to find you here,” Crowley said, suddenly frightened and trying very hard not to let it show.

“Ah, but you do know why he brought you here and left, don’t you?” Gabriel leaned on the refrigerator, effectively trapping Crowley. 

“It’s…” Crowley couldn’t come up with the words. He wished he had his sunglasses on, because then maybe Gabriel’s eyes wouldn’t be boring into him so intensely and he could actually look away…he pressed back against the refrigerator, but he couldn’t go through it the way he could a phone line. 

“Right. It’s the best way to get rid of an unwanted pet. Leave it in the barn. You should be just fine with that, being that you’re a serpent. You can even catch mice.” Gabriel’s voice was nonchalant, but his eyes and smirk were colder than ice. “He knows about it, Crowley. You’re nothing. He doesn’t have time for a nothing like you.”

“He’s not going to leave me.” Crowley tried to sound convinced of that, but his voice was suddenly very soft and shaky. 

“Oh? But he already has. Why do you think he took that stupid little car? He’s left you here. Alone. Forever. He has better things to do than waste his time with you. I hope you like it out here alone. Because you’re going to have to get used to it. You’re useless. Nobody wants you around.”

“I…” Crowley tried desperately to think of something to say.

“He only kept you around because you were useful for a little while. But nobody needs you anymore. I’m only telling you this for your own good, Crowley. You know that. You already knew that you were totally worthless, right?” Gabriel’s smile was cold, his voice condescending. 

Crowley looked down. His eyes had abruptly filled with tears. He didn’t want to admit he knew it, but he did. The Archangel was right. He’d always been worthless…

“Yes. You do, don’t you?” Gabriel smirked. “What a good little pet you make. You’d just do anything for your master, wouldn’t you? Such a pity that no one wants you. If only you had a little common sense, things might have been different. You might not even have fallen in the first place. Funny how they didn’t want you, either. First they banished you to Earth and now – well, look at you. Poor little unwanted pet. Enjoy being alone.” 

Crowley was too stricken to even think of a retort. He didn’t look up when Gabriel let himself out. It was several minutes before he could move, suddenly panicking and wondering where Aziraphale really was.

“He wouldn’t leave me. He wouldn’t. He’s here. Somewhere.” He looked around, feeling the beginnings of panic. “Aziraphale?!”

No reply. He looked outside. It had started snowing hard. He ran out, forgetting he wasn’t wearing shoes, hoping against hope that the VW was actually in the shed. 

His Bentley was still in there, but the little VW wasn’t. 

“Aziraphale?!” Crowley looked around, frantic, then remembered the barn. Maybe he put it in the barn, He ran back outside, slipped in the rapidly accumulating snow and fell on the blacktop driveway, landing hard on his left side and just avoiding hitting his head. He had to lay there for a couple of minutes, stunned, before getting to his feet and limping toward the barn, his leg and hip throbbing. By the time he made it across the pasture, he was covered with snow and starting to shiver. 

“Aziraphale?” He peeked around the door. “Aziraphale? Where are you?”

No reply. He looked around. The barn was damp and miserably cold. And deserted. 

“Aziraphale?” He ventured about twenty feet inside, then stopped by a support post. “Please don’t leave me. Please…I don’t want to be left out here t-to catch mice. I don’t even like h-hurting them. I want to be with you. P-please?” He stepped back, bumped into the post and slowly slid to the floor.

“Please d-don’t leave me. You’re my best friend. You’re all I have…” He put his hands over his face, huddling against the post as he started to cry. “I can’t – I’m so scared – I – oh Aziraphale!”


	2. Don't Send Me to the Path of Nevermore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Aziraphale miracles a towel and Crowley confesses.

Aziraphale got back about an hour later, just as the snow started sticking to the roads. To his surprise and somewhat to his dismay, he found a note from Gabriel and a leather-bound book on the kitchen table – along with a scattering of black feathers, undoubtedly Crowley’s. 

“Crowley, darling? When was that idiot here?” he said, thinking Crowley was in the other room. 

No reply. 

“Crowley?” He looked in the dining room, then shoved the bags containing cold items in the refrigerator and hurried upstairs. 

No sign of Crowley. 

“Fuck…” He normally didn’t swear, but the situation called for it. He was starting to panic as well, trying to convince himself that Gabriel hadn’t discorporated – or worse - his dear Crowley. 

He went back to the kitchen, picking up feathers. _This can’t be all that’s left of him. He can’t be gone…_ He closed his eyes, very close to tears at the thought…

That was when he remembered the barn. It was a long shot, but maybe, just maybe his beloved had hidden there to avoid the Archangel. He ran out the back door. “Crowley!” 

~*~  
Crowley hadn’t heard the little VW turn in. He was still huddled on the barn floor, sobbing. Although the air temperature in the barn was below freezing, all the snow he’d been covered with had melted, leaving him quite wet, although his hair and remaining wing feathers were starting to freeze. He was too numb to feel it and far too cold to shiver any more. 

He needed to be in Aziraphale’s arms more than anything. 

And Aziraphale wasn’t coming back. 

That thought made him cry even harder.

He didn’t hear the door creak open. 

~*~

The barn was dark and very cold, the air dank and stale, heavy with dampness. Aziraphale looked around, frowning. He couldn’t see anyone, but he could hear something. It took a moment for him to realize it was someone crying. 

Someone? 

He knew who it was, and his heart both leapt with joy and relief and broke at the same time. “Crowley? Darling?!”

“Aziraphale?!” Crowley sat up and peeked around the support post, not daring to believe it. “I - Aziraphale!” Aziraphale had unshielded his wings and had them spread to their full extent. They seemed to shimmer in the dim light. Several eyes glared out amid the feathers, belying how upset with Gabriel he really was. In his fragile mental state, however, poor Crowley thought Aziraphale’s anger was directed at him. He put his hands back over his face, crying harder. “I’m sorry, Aziraphale, please don’t be angry with me…” 

“Crowley, darling!” Aziraphale had him in his arms a second later, burying his face in his hair. “Crowley love, thank – somebody – I found you!” He wrapped them both tightly in his wings. “I was so afraid that bastard had hurt you, my darling! Are you all right?” 

“Aziraphale?” Crowley sniffled, looking up. “Y-you came back – you – oh Aziraphale, you c-came back!” 

“Oh, Crowley, my love, of course I came back!” Aziraphale hugged him tighter, realizing that Crowley was basically the opposite of all right. “Don’t cry. I’m here, love. I’m here. My poor baby.” 

Crowley couldn’t even speak. All he could do was cling to his angel, sobbing.

Aziraphale held him, stroking his hair, trying to soothe him – and his own now-frazzled nerves. “Shh, I’m here. Don’t cry, love, please.” That one moment of thinking Gabriel had actually harmed Crowley had been one of the worst of his life. He didn’t doubt that Gabriel was also the reason poor Crowley was out here in this miserable barn, crying, but as long as he was unhurt everything was going to be fine. 

“Aziraphale…?” Crowley finally sniffled, peeking up just a little from his angel’s shoulder. “I – I thought you l-left me…” 

“What do you mean? I just went to pick up a few things before the storm started. Dearest, what did you think I…” He stroked Crowley’s hair back, then pushed him back just enough to look at him. “Darling, what happened? How did you get so wet? You’re soaked! And how long have you been out here? You’re half frozen!” Crowley was very pale, almost ghostly white, but his fingers and lips were blue and his skin felt like ice. His hair was freezing at the ends. Had he been human, he would have been dead from hypothermia by now. 

Crowley looked down. “I didn’t think you – you…” His voice broke over a sob. It was a moment before he could look up again. “Do you s-still love me?”

“Of course I still love you, sweetheart! Why? Who told you otherwise? It was Gabriel, wasn’t it?” Now Aziraphale felt like he was about to cry, too. He hugged Crowley tighter. “I still love you. I love you so much. Oh, Crowley.”

Crowley hid his face against his angel’s shoulder. “He…he kept saying y-you left…he…oh, Aziraphale!” He broke down sobbing again. Between Gabriel’s machinations, the things he still hadn’t told Aziraphale and being so cold, poor Crowley couldn’t even think straight. He was still terrified that Aziraphale was going to abandon him – if not now, once he found out the truth. 

“I swear I’m going to discorporate him,” Aziraphale said, tightening his hold on Crowley. He knew all too well how manipulative Gabriel could be. He knew how to handle it, but poor Crowley hadn’t a clue. “Shhh, Crowley darling, please don’t cry. I’m here. I still love you. And I need to get you inside where it’s warm.” He stood up, easily scooping Crowley up in his arms. 

Crowley whimpered and hid his face against Aziraphale’s shoulder again, but didn’t protest. He was so cold and numb and his leg hurt so much that he wasn’t even sure he could walk. 

~*~

Aziraphale carried Crowley upstairs to the bedroom, putting him down on the bed and looking around for something to wrap him in. He rummaged briefly in the closet, gave up, and miracled a blanket. Sometimes you had to do what you had to do. 

“I’m sorry,” Crowley said softly, miserably. “I do nothing but cause you trouble, don’t I?” He huddled on the bed, not looking up. The numbness was wearing off and he was starting to feel how cold he really was, but he hadn’t changed out of his wet clothes because he didn’t want Aziraphale to see his wings. As long as he kept them tightly folded, the damage wasn’t obvious, but he would need to stretch them out to undress. 

“That’s beside the point.” Aziraphale sat down with him and gently lifted his chin to kiss him. “I love you, Crowley. You’re my love and my best friend and you’re everything to me.” He pulled him closer and kissed him again, softly but quite thoroughly. 

“I love you, too.” Crowley finally met his angel’s gaze, just for a moment, before looking down again. “You deserve so much better than me, though.” 

“I don’t think there is anything better than you. And if there is, I’m not interested.” Aziraphale kissed his lover’s nose. “Dear, get out of those wet things before you freeze. Let me find a towel.” He hurried out. He really hoped there were some in the hall closet. 

There weren’t. Nor were there any in the bathroom, although there was a huge, gorgeous old claw-footed tub. 

No matter. The Archangel Michael wasn’t the only one capable of miracling up a few towels. 

~*~

Crowley tried to strip off his wet clothes and hide his wings under the blanket before Aziraphale returned, but he was too cold and too sore from his fall to move quickly enough. He’d only just managed to get undressed when Aziraphale came back in, bearing several fluffy towels. 

“Aziraphale?” He cringed back against the bed, but it was too late. He’d had his wings - what was left of them anyway – stretched to their full span in an attempt to keep his balance while he pulled his pants off. Had he not been so cold and distraught, he would have wondered about the tartan. Towels normally didn’t come in tartan. Especially not Aziraphale’s particular tartan. 

“Darling, I – Crowley, darling! What happened to your wings!” Aziraphale was shocked. It was easily the worst stress molt he’d ever seen.

Crowley pulled his battered wings tightly against his back and flinched as icy water dripped down his spine from the sodden feathers. “It-it’s nothing, really. Just a molt.” He sank down on the bed and put his hands over his face. 

“For heaven’s sake, darling!” Aziraphale gently pulled Crowley’s wings out to look at them more closely. “You poor dear. You can’t even fly right now, can you?” His tone was gently scolding, but his expression was nothing but love and concern. 

Crowley shook his head, shivering, unable to meet his angel’s worried gaze. The bedroom was just cool enough to be torture against his damp naked skin. 

Aziraphale gently ran his fingers through the bedraggled feathers, straightening them, his eyes widening in something approaching horror. “My poor dear.” He blotted them with one of the towels, using a second one to dry poor Crowley off before bundling him up in the blanket, leaving his ravaged wings free to take a closer look at the damage.

“It’s n-not that bad…” Crowley sniffled, putting his hands over his face again with a sob. 

“Darling, it’s worse.” Crowley’s normally glossy black wings were dull and faded. All of the primary flights were gone, along with most of the secondaries. There were even bare patches amid the coverts. Amid the carnage were a few pinfeathers trying to grow back, but not the number he would have expected. “You’re not even getting any flights back in. No wonder I’ve been finding feathers everywhere these past three weeks!” Several more had come out while he was preening them. He carefully blotted them again and Crowley flinched. “I’m sorry, love,” he murmured, stroking the damp feathers back into place. “My poor darling.”

“I’m sorry. Don’t be angry with me, please…” Crowley finally looked up again. He didn’t think any of the eyes were showing on Aziraphale’s wings, but he had them loosely folded. 

“I’m not. But darling, what on earth is going on? Stress molts don’t just happen for no reason, you know.” Aziraphale was actually a little angry with himself for failing to realize how distressed Crowley really had been. 

Crowley shrugged, or tried to, but he’d started trembling for reasons that had nothing to do with how cold he was. He curled back up, crying softly. His helpless, broken whimpering was somehow more heartbreaking than his earlier hysteria. 

“Love?” Aziraphale sat down with him. “What did they do to you at that – meeting?” 

“Nothing. I - I’m okay.” Crowley peeked up at him, just for a moment, then choked on a sob and hid his face again. 

“Crowley, love, you’re not okay. Look at you. You’ve been an absolute wreck for three weeks now, you’re crying, you’re having the worst stress molt I’ve ever seen and you’re absolutely shaking!” Aziraphale gently pulled his hands away from his face so he had to look up. “What on earth is going on, love?” 

“N-nothing…” Crowley hung his head, letting his hair fall across his face. “I…” He took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to get control of himself. It was no use. He was certain that this was it, he was going to lose Aziraphale for good this time… 

Aziraphale pushed his hair back, then leaned over to kiss the top of his head. He’d never seen his beloved Crowley so distraught. “Sweetheart, whatever it is, please tell me.”

“I…I can’t…I…” Crowley looked away with a frightened sob. “Please don’t be angry with me, Aziraphale, please…” 

“I’m not. Crowley, darling, I love you. Please don’t do this to yourself. Tell me.”

“I….” He put his hands over his face. “Angel, I…” _I have to tell him, but he’ll leave me and I won’t have anyone…._ “I -I can’t. Y-you won’t love me anymore…” He looked up again, just for a moment. “Please don’t. You’ll leave me…I can’t. I can’t live without you, Aziraphale, I can’t…” 

“Dearest?” Aziraphale felt like he might be about to cry, too. Seeing Crowley this hurt and afraid was more than he could bear. “I don’t care what it is. I’ll never leave you. Please tell me.” 

“I...” Crowley’s voice broke, then dropped to a whisper. He had to say it. “I – they – t-they kicked me out of Hell…” He huddled into the blanket, crying, not looking up. He didn’t want to see the moment he knew was coming, the moment Aziraphale turned his back on him in disgust and walked out forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW, yes, I'm a ginormous Queen fan. Someone telling me about the Bentley turning everything into a Queen tape was why I read the book back around 2001.


	3. Scared of Being Found Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Crowley realizes he didn't have anything to worry about after all.

“They _what!?”_ Aziraphale was stunned. 

“Banished m-me. I’m – not a demon anymore, I’m n-nothing…” Crowley trailed off, sobbing. _I’m nothing, I’m worthless, I’ve never been anything and there’s no way you’re not going to leave me and I – I…_

“Crowley…?” Aziraphale stared at him in shock for a good thirty seconds before he started laughing – and crying – all at once. “You thought I – oh Crowley! You silly old thing!”

“I’m sorry. I-I’m so s-sorry…” Crowley sobbed. “I’ll leave, really, I won’t make you…”  


“Dearest, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” Aziraphale composed himself somewhat, pulling Crowley back into his arms. “But that’s it?! That’s all it is? Oh Crowley, my poor dear, my love, my poor, poor darling. I thought something terrible had happened!” He kissed the top of his dark love’s head. “Silly old serpent. You’re not going anywhere, nor are you getting rid of me so easily.”

Crowley couldn’t reply. All the fear he’d been trying to hide for the past three weeks had overwhelmed him. It took a while for him to realize that Aziraphale was holding him and hadn’t gone anywhere. 

“A-angel?” he sniffled, finally peeking up from Aziraphale’s shoulder. “You d-didn’t leave?”

“Of course not, dearest.” Aziraphale hugged him tighter. “Why did they throw you out?” He hoped he wasn’t going to make poor Crowley cry again – never mind that he hadn’t really stopped – but he needed to know. 

Crowley finally met his angel’s worried gaze. “Because I love you. Apparently, that’s…not allowed…” He looked down. “Demons aren’t allowed to fall in love, apparently. Which kind of sucks, when you think about it….” His attempt at being flippant failed miserably. It wasn’t being a demon so much, he’d never been much good at it, really – it was that now he was nothing, with no identity and no place to go if Aziraphale didn’t want him. And without Aziraphale, he might as well discorporate. He huddled closer, trying to stifle a sob. 

“Crowley, love…” Aziraphale stroked his hair. It all made sense now – the extreme stress molt he’d been trying to hide, his obvious depression, his utter hysterical meltdown when he thought he’d been abandoned, never mind the ease in which Gabriel had convinced him that he had been. “Silly old serpent. I love you so much, darling.”

“Really?” Crowley looked up again, just for a moment. He still couldn’t make himself believe that his angel wasn’t about to walk out on him forever. “You still love me?”

Aziraphale hugged him tighter. “I love you, darling. I cherish you; I worship you. I love you more than anything. But why didn’t you tell me sooner?” 

“I was afraid you’d leave me and you’re…you’re all I have left…” Crowley looked back up, tears streaming down his face. “Nobody wants me, I…I’m so scared, angel. What am I going to do?!” He hid his face against Aziraphale’s shoulder again.

“You’re going to stay with me,” Aziraphale said. “Darling, it’s going to be all right. As long as I still have you, everything is going to be all right.”

“But what if you…they…?” Crowley managed to sob. He was still afraid the others would come after them and harm Aziraphale. 

“Shush.” Aziraphale murmured. “I told you, we’re our own side now, dearest. And I know I shouldn’t be happy, but if they banished you, then nobody can tell us we can’t be together. And I am never going to let you go.” He leaned back against the pillows, holding poor Crowley while he cried. 

“You deserve better than me,” Crowley finally sniffled, looking up. “What d-do you even see in me? I’m worthless. I’m nothing. I never was anything, but now I’m nothing….”

“Crowley, love.” Aziraphale gazed into Crowley’s strange eyes for a long moment, then leaned over and kissed his eyelashes, tasting salt. “You’re not nothing. I love you so much, my darling. You’re worth everything. You’re all I ever wanted.”

Crowley sniffled and looked down again. “It…just hurts, you know. I mean, I know I messed up that whole thing with Adam. But still…”

“Sweetheart…” Aziraphale hugged him tighter. “I know. But they were horrid to you. You’re better off without them.” He didn’t add the rest of what he was thinking, which was that even though his beloved Crowley was the best friend – and boyfriend – one could ever have wished for, he really was – make that “had been” - a spectacularly incompetent demon. His one truly epic demonic deed – the whole apple-in-the-garden thing – had been a fluke. Never mind how he almost always managed to screw himself over as badly as the humans he was attempting to screw over. He was, to be perfectly honest, a total disaster. A perfect redhaired sweet, adoring, hot, sexy, swaggering mess who tried too hard to be cool but still somehow managed to be anyway. And of course, Aziraphale loved him for all of it. 

Because seriously? It was impossible not to love Crowley. 

“But I don’t even know what I am now. Except nothing. I’m nothing.” Crowley sat back and put his hands over his face. As he did, the blanket slipped from his shoulders. He was shivering helplessly by then, but didn’t pull it back around himself. “Aziraphale?”

“What, my love?” Aziraphale knew he should have wrapped poor Crowley back up in the blanket, but he was so achingly, breathtakingly gorgeous, so lost and lonely and vulnerable, with his hair falling over his bare shoulders in tangled red waves. 

“You c-can do anything you want to me, you know. I’m not going to stop you.” He didn’t really want to, not now, but he was still afraid that Aziraphale was going to leave him, and it was the only thing he could think of that might get him to stay. _Hurt me, I don’t care. Just don’t leave me. I can’t live without you…_

“Oh, Crowley…” Aziraphale gathered him close, pulling the blanket around him again. “I’m not taking advantage of you like this, my darling.” He planted a soft little kiss on the snake tattoo on Crowley’s left temple.

Crowley snuggled closer, still desperately in need of comforting. “Aziraphale?”

“What, my darling?” Aziraphale kissed his forehead. 

“Do you really still love me?” The uncertain look in Crowley’s eyes broke his heart. 

“Yes, I still love you, my darling” he murmured, hugging him tighter. “And I’ll never leave you.” He produced a box of tissues from somewhere and handed them to the still-sniffling Crowley. “Wait here, dearest. I’ll be right back, I promise.”

Crowley nodded, taking one out of the box to blow his nose. All at once he felt sick to his stomach and too exhausted to move, much less cry anymore – although he felt like he was coming apart inside. He shivered, pulling the blanket tighter around himself. He really didn’t know what he was going to do now. _If I’m not a demon and I can’t be an angel, then what am I?_ That thought would have made him start crying again if he’d had any tears left at the moment. He was also starting to become aware that his entire left side was aching from his nasty fall earlier. 

“Here, love.” Aziraphale returned with a wet washcloth and sat down, gently lifting his dark love’s chin to dab at his face. “Is that any better, dearest?”

Crowley nodded. 

Aziraphale kissed him softly. “Come on, darling. Let’s go downstairs. It’s warmer. I’ll get the fireplace going, and I’ll make you some cocoa, too, okay?”

“Okay,” Crowley said softly. He needed some serious pampering and a good long snuggle. And nobody was better at either one than Aziraphale. 

~*~

A bit later, Crowley was huddled in Aziraphale’s arms on the sofa in front of the fireplace, wrapped in two blankets and a heated throw. Under it all, he was wrapped in Aziraphale’s bathrobe. It smelled soothingly like his white-chocolate-vanilla scented angel. 

“Darling, you know I would never leave you, ever. Right?” Aziraphale murmured, stroking his hair. “I love you so much.” He kissed the top of Crowley’s head. “What exactly did Gabriel tell you, love?”

“He just kept saying you left. That you knew what happened and you brought me out here to get rid of me.” Crowley looked up a little. His eyes were red and quite swollen from crying, although he thought he’d maybe cried himself out - at least for the time being. The warmth of the fireplace and his angel’s embrace was finally starting to soak in and he’d almost stopped shivering. “I…I didn’t believe it – well, not at first, but he said you brought me out here to dump me like a pet nobody wanted, but I could just catch mice in the barn because I’m just a serpent and I’m totally worthless and I – I couldn’t find you and I - just lost it. I was so scared. And it – it just hurt so much. You know?” 

Aziraphale hugged him tighter. “I swear I’m going to discorporate Gabriel the next time I see him. Who says something like that?” 

Crowley let his head drop back against Aziraphale’s shoulder. Aziraphale just held him, playing with his hair. He’d always thought Crowley’s hair would be coarse, but had been surprised at how soft and feathery it actually was. 

“Angel?” Crowley finally said softly, his voice shaky. “D-do you still love me?” 

“My poor baby,” Aziraphale murmured, kissing the top of his head. “Of course I love you. More than anything.” He had a feeling that comforting Crowley shouldn’t feel this good, but he loved snuggling his beloved ex-demon. He had six thousand years’ worth of snuggling to make up for. 

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” Crowley finally looked up again. 

“No, of course not, love. Why would I be mad at you?” Aziraphale stroked his hair back. “I love you.” He kissed Crowley softly. “Poor dear. You’re my everything.”

“I was just so scared. I just…I don’t know.” Crowley hid his face against his angel’s shoulder again. “And then Gabriel…I figured if he knew, then you had to know, and I was so scared.” He shuddered. “I’m nothing without you, angel. I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I don’t even know what I am anymore. I’m so scared.” Scared was a mild word for his level of distress. 

“It’s going to be all right, my love. We’re going to be just fine. We’re our own side now. And like I said, now no one can tell us that we can’t be together.” Aziraphale hugged him tighter. 

“I don’t know how he did that to me. I feel so fucking stupid,” Crowley said, not looking up. “But I was already so scared. I didn’t know how to tell you. And then he shows up out of nowhere and – oh fuck. I just couldn’t. I lost it. I love you so much. I think I’d douse myself in holy water and have done with it if you left me.”

“I’m not so sure that would have any effect on you now, my love.” Aziraphale kissed the top of his head. “And I love you, too. I couldn’t live without you, either.”

“I still can’t believe he got to me like that, though. I should know better. I’m such an idiot.” Crowley shuddered, curling up a little more. 

“No, you aren’t. And Gabriel is really good at fucking with your head like that,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley looked up. “Wait. Did you just say fucking?”

“I did, didn’t I?” Aziraphale pretended he hadn’t meant to, but he had of course been trying to make Crowley laugh – or at least maybe smile. 

“Angel…” Crowley almost smiled – almost. He was starting to get a little of his equilibrium back, although his emotional stability was entirely dependent on being in Aziraphale’s arms. He snuggled closer, suddenly unable to keep his eyes open. “Put your wings around me, please?”

“Crowley, my love.” Aziraphale kissed the top of his head. “I never want to let you go.” He wrapped his wings around them both. “Is that better, sweetheart?” 

Crowley nodded and nestled a bit closer. “You’re so soft. Soft sweet angel….” He was getting too drowsy to entirely make sense. 

“You’re so cute,” Aziraphale murmured. “You’re baby.” He was relieved to see Crowley turning into the usual snuggly mess he turned into when he was tired and/or feeling sad. 

“I’m your baby…” Crowley’s voice was faraway, slurred on the far edge of sleep. He was exhausted and didn’t want to think about the future because he knew he’d cry, but he was finally safe and warm again and Aziraphale knew what had happened - and still loved him. Maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be all right. 

“You are. And I love you so much.” Aziraphale hugged him tighter. 

“I love you, too.” Crowley roused himself enough to kiss Aziraphale on the mouth, then snuggled back into his angel’s arms. It took less than five minutes for him to fall asleep. 

~*~

Aziraphale didn’t realize he’d dozed off, too, until he woke up. He was just as exhausted as Crowley was, the sofa was quite comfortable and it was warm. He looked around for the clock, realizing that he hadn’t been asleep very long – about an hour. Crowley was still out like a proverbial light, curled up with his head tucked under his angel’s chin, his face mostly hidden by a fall of dark red hair. One tattered wing was curled around them both, limp, the other was tangled in Aziraphale’s pristine one. Outside, the snow was coming down thickly enough to obscure their view of the road. 

Aziraphale smiled. It really was a perfect moment. He had a warm fireplace, a little place in the country and his beloved Crowley snuggled in his arms. He only needed one more thing. He miracled the book he’d been reading into easy reach. 

_I will never leave you, my darling. Never._

He curled up a little more to read, idly twining his free hand through Crowley’s hair. After a few minutes, he nuzzled into it, kissing the top of his dark love’s head. Crowley whimpered from the furthest edge of sleep. “Aziraphale?”

“I’m here.” Aziraphale hugged him a little tighter. 

Crowley snuggled closer with a little shiver, then dropped back into deep sleep. 

_He thought I was going to leave him for that? And went around hurting so badly for three weeks because he was so afraid of me finding out? That does it. I’m going to marry him. I don’t care what Gabriel or anyone else thinks._ He hugged Crowley a bit tighter. I love you. I love you so very much, my darling. He abandoned the book altogether, instead gently picking at the few black-sheathed pinfeathers starting to dot Crowley’s ravaged wings. Poor Crowley was in for a rough time of it when the flight feathers started coming back in. Newly-growing feathers had a blood vessel running through the shaft, which closed off and died as the feather matured. A broken blood feather was one of the more painful things that any angel or demon faced – and the feather would need to be pulled to staunch the bleeding. Normally the mature flights protected the growing ones, but Crowley had lost all but a few flight feathers. _My poor dear…_ He tried to break the sheath on one pinfeather, but only succeeded in making Crowley flinch and whimper in his sleep. 

“Sorry, love,” he murmured. 

A moment later, Crowley stirred and looked up drowsily. “Angel?”

“I’m here, my love.” Aziraphale kissed him on the nose. “How are you feeling?”

“I guess, I….don’t know?” Crowley was in his usual half-conscious-upon-awakening daze. He blinked a couple of times and burrowed back into Aziraphale’s arms. 

“You’re so cute,” Aziraphale murmured, hugging him tighter.

After a moment Crowley yawned, stretched and looked back up at his angel, bleary-eyed. “What time is it?”

“A little after two o’ clock,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley sat up enough to rub his eyes, then snuggled back close. 

“Are you feeling any better, darling?” Aziraphale hugged him tighter. 

“Don’t let go of me and I’ll be fine.” Crowley was still feeling shaky, albeit somewhat better. At the very least, he was once again reassured that Aziraphale really did still love him. 

“Dearest, I do have to get off the sofa at some point,” Aziraphale said with a gentle laugh, kissing him softly. “But I promise I’m not going anywhere. Look outside.” 

“Wow.” Crowley ended up being the one to get up to look out the window, still wrapped in the blanket. Aziraphale followed him.

“I think we’re pretty well stuck here, darling,” he said. 

Crowley looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? Love, you didn’t do anything.” Aziraphale took his hands. “I’m going to make us both some more cocoa, okay?” He kissed Crowley softly. “With marshmallows.”

Crowley finally smiled. “Okay.” He was starting to think that it might in fact be okay after all.

A moment later, Aziraphale’s voice came from the kitchen. “That does it. I am going to discorporate that bastard the next time I see him!”

“What happened?” Crowley said, suddenly apprehensive. 

“I wondered why you didn’t see the note I left for you. He threw it in the dustbin!” Aziraphale came out, smoothing a crumpled sheet of paper. 

“Note?” Crowley took it. 

_Dearest Crowley,_

_I went to get some supplies at that little shop Maddy told us about. I’ll be back in about an hour._

_I do wish you would tell me what’s wrong, dearest. I know you’re not all right. It breaks my heart seeing you so sad. If I can’t make things better, at least tell me so you don’t have to go through it all alone. I haven’t said anything because I didn’t want to pry, but I want to help; or at the very least, be with you._

_All of my love, my darling,_

_Your angel, Aziraphale_

“Oh angel…” Crowley felt like he might cry all over again. “I should have known better. I don’t deserve you. I love you so much.” He hugged Aziraphale tight. 

“I love you too, darling.” Aziraphale leaned his head on his dark love’s shoulder. 

They ended up in a very long kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have pet birds (two cockatiels and a budgie at the moment) and have for years. I'm going on the assumption that an angel's feathers' would grow the same way. And yes, I've had to pull broken blood feathers. Cockatiels are particularly notorious for breaking them.


	4. Find Me Somebody to Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Crowley and Aziraphale decide to start making good use of that fireplace.

Half an hour later, they were curled together on the rug in front of the fireplace, leaning back against the sofa. Aziraphale was still fussing with Crowley’s tattered wings.  
“I think they’re going to grow back eventually, dear,” he was saying as the phone rang. “Shall I ignore that?”

“It’s probably Maddy. She said she was going to call,” Crowley pointed out. 

“Oh dear. Right…” Aziraphale scrambled up to answer it. “Hello?”

“Zira?” The voice on the other end was female, with a heavy Cockney/Scouse accent. Maddy Baker, of course. 

“Maddy, dear! You were right. This place is simply wonderful.”

Crowley smiled. They had known her for years, although they hadn’t known her true identity until about three months ago. They’d thought she was just a nice human girl who had survived a really bad marriage – which, while accurate, was far from the whole story. He wasn’t sure they had the whole story yet. Celine, her daughter, was also his goddaughter – the irony made him laugh – although she referred to him as her Uncle Crowley. He liked that. 

“Brighton this time of year, dear? And in this weather?”

Brighton didn’t sound like a bad idea, actually. Either that or a place Maddy had told them about called Seaside Village. That might make for a nice summer getaway for him and his angel. He wondered if he could even get Aziraphale in a swimsuit. Probably one of those old-fashioned Victorian ones, if at all. Which would probably be so adorable that he’d risk discorporating at the sight. 

Okay, if this – all this – had been why they’d kicked him out, it was worth it. 

He stretched his wings out, flexing them. They were stiff from being shielded so long and painfully sensitive and itchy from the stress molt. He had his doubts that any of the feathers would grow back in. It was probably the price for being a worthless nonentity. 

That thought still scared him. He had no idea what he was going to do. 

"Darling?”

He looked around as Aziraphale came back over. “They didn’t try to drive, did they?” 

“In this weather? Of course not, dear. They took Maddy’s little time machine.” Aziraphale could never remember “TARDIS.” He sat down and kissed him. 

“Now what?” Crowley said, hoping the answer was what he thought it would be. 

Aziraphale kissed him again. “Well, dear, what I had in mind was…” He trailed off, looking shy. “I thought that since we…”

This was usually when Crowley would try to tease him into saying “make love” in so many words, but this time he just shrugged out of the bathrobe and snuggled into his angel’s arms. “I’m yours, angel. Whatever you want to do to me.”

“I guess I should put the lights out, though.” Aziraphale looked around, realizing that the room would still be fairly bright even if he did. As much as he loved – and desired – Crowley, he had become painfully aware over the past few months that Gabriel was right about his corporation. He really should have been minding his weight. It didn’t help that Crowley was so slim and well-built and pretty much perfect. It often left him wondering what on earth his dark love actually saw in him. 

“Don’t you dare, angel. I don’t get to see enough of you naked as it is,” Crowley said, recovering a bit more of his usual attitude. He had already unbuttoned Aziraphale’s shirt. 

“Dear, you’re being ridiculous, you know,” Aziraphale said, sounding a bit hesitant but shifting around so Crowley could finish undressing him. “I’m really not what you’d call ideal…”

“Says who? You’re perfect. Oh fuck, angel, you are so fucking perfect.” Although Crowley could see in the dark far better than he’d ever let on to Aziraphale, seeing him naked in the light of day was truly breathtaking, indeed. 

“Dearest…” Aziraphale blushed, looking away and starting to put a wing around himself. Crowley pressed against him as he did so it went around both of them instead. 

“I need you, angel. Please?” He kissed Aziraphale again, hard, running his hands over every bit of his angel’s body that he could reach. Underneath all that soft round plumpness, Aziraphale was actually deceptively sturdy, easily strong enough to do something like carrying his distraught demon – well, ex-demon – love to the bedroom. Crowley simply couldn’t get enough of him. 

“Dear, I was quite hoping you’d say that…” Aziraphale sounded rather breathless. Feeling bold, he pushed Crowley down on the rug. “I do fully intend to oblige you, you know.”

“I like the sound of that,” Crowley said with a laugh. 

“You do know that I’d never leave you, darling?” Aziraphale said, lying down with him and kissing him again, pulling him closer. Even in human – human-shaped, anyway – form, Crowley had a patch of black snakeskin right at the small of his back. It was surprisingly soft and warm and, as Aziraphale had discovered the first time they’d made love, quite sensitive. Even the softest caress was enough to make his dark love shiver with ecstasy. 

“Now I do – oh, angel….” Crowley caught his breath as Aziraphale nipped gently at a spot between his neck and shoulder where he was also particularly fond of being kissed. “Your wings, angel, your wings…” He loved being wrapped in Aziraphale’s wings, especially when they were making love. They were so warm and soft and ticklish against his bare skin. Combine that with the simple pleasure of being in his angel’s arms and he couldn’t get enough of it. 

“All in good time, darling, all in good time.” Aziraphale was enjoying teasing his beloved too much at the moment. “We’ve got all afternoon and tonight, you know.” Crowley, somewhat to Aziraphale’s surprise, had turned out to be a very considerate and playful lover – as well as very snuggly. “Just one thing before we really get started.” He miracled a larger, warmer and much plusher rug underneath them. The rag rug that had been in front of the fireplace – and was now in the small foyer – just wasn’t suitable for what he planned to do. 

“Are you sure? We’re probably going to make a mess of it.” Crowley looked doubtfully at the white faux fur. Although it was much more comfortable. Despite the fireplace and the warmth of Aziraphale’s body, the living room was still a bit too cool for comfort. Especially if one was naked and had damp wing feathers. 

“It’ll miracle out,” Aziraphale said with a laugh, kissing him. He started to pull Crowley closer, but stopped, “Darling, what happened? You poor thing!” 

Crowley looked around. His left side from his ribs down along his hip and thigh was turning into one large bruise. “That was when I fell.” No wonder it was aching. 

“Fell?” Aziraphale looked at him. 

“After Gabriel left. I was trying to find you. I went to see if that little car was gone and I slipped coming out of the shed and fell. I think that’s how I got covered in snow.” He shivered. 

Aziraphale traced his fingers lightly along Crowley’s ribs, then down his hip and leg. “My poor darling. I really should have woken you up and gotten you to come with me. Then none of this would have happened.” He let his fingers drift to the delicious curve of his dark love’s rear, prompting an approving murmur from Crowley, who was almost purring at his angel’s touch. They ended up in another long kiss. 

“I’m not going to hurt you doing this, am I?” Aziraphale brushed his lips along the worst of the bruising, making Crowley whimper. 

“Angel, it’s okay. I need you.” Crowley twined around him, murmuring a slight protest when his angel pushed him down on his back instead.

“Not yet, darling.” He gently pinned Crowley to the rug, trailing soft wet kisses down his chest. Crowley was shivering again, but for reasons that had nothing to do with still being cold. He wanted Aziraphale to go down on him, but couldn’t get the words together to say so. 

“Angel, I…” He pulled his hands free, clutching at Aziraphale. For a moment, he thought Aziraphale was going to actually do what he so badly needed, but he moved back up to kiss him on the mouth instead. 

“You’re sadistic, you know that, don’t you….” Crowley trailed off, whimpering with pleasure at his angel’s caresses, twisting around to allow him more room to maneuver. Aziraphale took the same approach to sex that he did just about everything else. He preferred to take his time, turning Crowley into a quivering, pleading mess, leaving not one inch of his body unexplored by hands or lips – or tongue. Crowley had no idea where his beloved angel had figured some of what he did out, given that he’d never so much as kissed anyone else before their first night together. “Angel, please…” He clutched at Aziraphale with a sharp little cry. 

“I’m not even doing anything yet,” Aziraphale said with a laugh. He was enjoying Crowley’s reactions to being kissed and caressed everywhere except the one place he really needed to be at that moment. 

“I know. That’s the problem…” Crowley shivered as Aziraphale slowly traced his fingers down the top edge of his wing to his shoulderblade. “Oh, angel, that’s…” He broke off, whimpering as his angel’s lips brushed his throat again. 

“I’m never letting you go, dearest. I hope you know that,” Aziraphale murmured, then caught his breath as Crowley twined around him, raking his fingers through his soft opalescent wings. “Crowley, love…” He easily rolled his dark love onto his back, pinning him to the rug.

“Angel…” Crowley pulled him down to kiss him, hard. “I need you so badly…”

“All in good time, love,” Aziraphale murmured, swirling his tongue around his dark love’s nipple, making Crowley gasp and cling to him tighter. 

“Aziraphale, please…” He wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold back. 

“Yes, my love?” The adoring, lascivious look Aziraphale gave him was almost too much to handle. He stretched up to kiss Crowley’s nose, then went back to what he’d been doing, nibbling and licking until the slightest touch made Crowley gasp and whimper before turning his attention to the neglected one. As he did, he slid his hands down his dark love’s back to that sensitive patch at the base of his spine, caressing it lightly before letting his hands slip lower. In the heat of the moment, he’d forgotten about the bruise on Crowley’s hip and rear end, but Crowley really didn’t see any need to remind him. 

“I’m so screwed…” Crowley was too dazed to realize the inadvertent double entendre. Apparently demons weren’t the only ones who could do weird things with their tongues. 

“Not yet. But don’t worry, love. I’m getting to that.” Aziraphale smiled, a bit wickedly. “So how would you like me to proceed, love?” 

“Angel, please…” Crowley whimpered, barely able to think. “I need you…I need…something…”

Aziraphale figured that poor Crowley had been through enough by this point, given the events of the past three weeks. He finally did what his dark love needed and slid down to take his by-now almost painful erection in his mouth. Crowley caught his breath in a sharp gasp, whimpering and digging his fingers through his angel’s soft hair. 

“Angel, I…” He didn’t think he was going to be able to hold out for very long. Not at all, really… “I – oh fuck, Aziraphale!”

“I’m getting to that,” Aziraphale looked up at him with a laugh before returning to what he’d been doing. He ran the tip of his tongue slowly up the underside of the shaft, then around the swollen head, licking just roughly enough to make Crowley whimper helplessly. 

“Angel…” He was trying not to think that it was more or less the same technique he’d seen his angel use with ice cream cones. That thought should have killed his libido, but it was having the opposite effect. “Wh-where did you learn to do that?”

“I’m just doing to you what you do to me,” Aziraphale murmured, licking slowly up the shaft, then, after a few exquisitely torturous minutes, taking just the head back in his mouth, teasing just the tip with his tongue, enjoying Crowley’s whimpering as he did. He didn’t know he did it and would have denied it, but he sounded like a kitten mewling and it was quite possibly the most adorable thing Aziraphale had ever heard. And knowing that he was the one making him do it was quite a turn on, indeed. He swirled his tongue slowly around the head again. 

Crowley knew he couldn’t hold out much longer. “Angel, I…I’m going to come…”

Aziraphale looked up, amused. “I thought you were already there, dear.” Normally he would have teased Crowley to the verge of orgasm and back several times, but not today. His beloved had been through enough. 

“This isn’t the time for jokes, angel…” Crowley broke off with a cry as his angel abruptly deep-throated him. “Angel….!” It was too much. He tried to warn Aziraphale, but he couldn’t get the words out before he climaxed, hard, crying out and clutching at Aziraphale’s outstretched wings as his orgasm tore through him. “Aziraphale!” He slumped back into the softness of the rug, shivering in the aftermath as his angel finished cleaning him up with his tongue. 

“Oh fuck, that was….that was….” He couldn’t find the words before Aziraphale had him back in his arms, kissing him. He returned it, twining around his angel and pulling him closer. “If the others had the slightest idea what they’re missing…” He kissed Aziraphale again, hard. He’d spent so long wondering what it would be like if he ever did get his angel in his bed, but the reality was so much more than anything he ever could have imagined. 

“I really don’t think we should tell them, dearest,” Aziraphale said with a laugh, then kissed his dark love’s nose. “I love you so much, my darling.” 

“I love you, too.” Crowley snuggled closer, basking in the aftermath of his first orgasm in several weeks and the warmth of his angel’s body. 

“You’re still cold, aren’t you?” Aziraphale said after a moment. 

“A little.” Crowley admitted. He wasn’t actually cold-blooded in his human form, but he felt that way most of the time. He often found himself wondering what had ever possessed him to leave the heat of the Middle East for the UK – although he actually knew the reason. 

“Poor dear.” Aziraphale wrapped a wing around him. 

Crowley nestled closer. “Angel?”

“What, my love?”

Crowley hesitated, wondering how to put it into words. “I – don’t want to be on top this time. I want you to – I want you inside me, angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The white fake fur is supposed to be something like that really soft, plushy, minky type fur. I bought about three yards or so to make plushie penguins with, but I haven't yet. Maybe I'll just make a throw for my bed.
> 
> And yes, Maddy is a Time Lord - well, Time Lady, really. She's lived in my head for over twenty years, has been Gallifreyian and human and there's no way she isn't making more of an appearance at some point.


	5. Spread Out Your Wings, You Are An Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Crowley may not be in Limbo after all...

Aziraphale was a little surprised, but kissed him on the nose. “Of course, dearest. Anything you want.” They hadn’t done it that way yet. He’d always been on the bottom. “I didn’t know you wanted me to.”

“Actually, I’ve – never done it that way before.” It would have left him far more vulnerable than he cared to be with anyone – except Aziraphale. “But I want you to.”

“So then I’d be your first, too, in a way?” Aziraphale smiled. “Dearest, I’d be honored.”

“Nobody else I’ve slept with put it like that,” Crowley said with an affectionate laugh. 

“I’m pretty sure they didn’t love you the way I do, either.” Aziraphale kissed him again. “Whenever you’re ready, my love.” He was almost painfully aroused and having Crowley this close was making it difficult to really think. 

“I’m always ready, angel. I’m yours, remember? At least I hope I still am…” He still hadn’t fully recovered from the catastrophic self-doubt that Gabriel had triggered.

“Forever, darling…” Aziraphale kissed him again, then bit savagely at the side of his neck, sucking hard enough to leave a reddened, bitten mark that would undoubtedly be a bruise. 

Crowley gasped, startled but not objecting, clutching at him. “Angel!” That really should not have felt so good. 

“I don’t want there to be any doubt that you’re mine,” Aziraphale murmured. In particular, he didn’t want to leave any doubt in Gabriel and company’s minds that Crowley was his and there was nothing they could do about it. He would have been willing to fight God Herself over it, although he knew he wouldn’t have to. 

“It’s only fair, I guess,” Crowley sighed, curling closer. The mix of adoration and desire in Aziraphale’s eyes made him shiver slightly. “Considering that I am.” He didn’t mind. He’d done the same thing to his angel more than once, albeit inadvertently. He slowly trailed his fingers down across his angel’s stomach, feeling the muscles twitch, then lightly brushed his erection. 

Aziraphale caught his breath sharply. “Love, don’t. I’ll…”

“I can take care of that for you,” Crowley murmured, wrapping his fingers around the shaft and rubbing his thumb in slow circles around the head, making Aziraphale whimper and bite his lip. “It would give us more time to play, you know.” He twined his other hand through his angel’s wing feathers and pulled him closer, nuzzling him and kissing that one perfect spot at the base of his throat. 

“Y-yeah…” Aziraphale had to admit that Crowley had a good point. He probably wasn’t going to last more than a minute or two at this rate. He really was still getting used to the whole concept, and had a feeling that he didn’t have as much self-control as he should. Although self-control wasn’t the easiest thing to have around someone as utterly sexy as Crowley. 

And besides, he certainly wasn’t going to say no if Crowley wanted to go down on him.

“My pleasure, angel.” Crowley kissed him softly, then slid down to slowly run his tongue up the inside of his angel’s thigh before taking him in his mouth. Aziraphale cried out, clutching at the blanket. He didn’t have the breadth of experience Crowley did, but he didn’t need it to know that Crowley was, in fact, very good at this.

Crowley, for his part, figured it would be a lot more fun if they didn’t have the urgency of his having climaxed already and Aziraphale being an aroused wreck. Besides, he really liked going down on his angel. He was just possessive enough to revel in the knowledge that no one else had ever done this to Aziraphale before, that he was the first one to discover all the spots his angel most needed to be touched – and kissed – the only one to make him come and hold him afterwards... 

Okay, to be perfectly honest here, he’d had no idea until now that it was possible to love anyone this much. And even if he hadn’t been Aziraphale’s first, it would have been okay, just so long as he was his last and only for the rest of time.

“Crowley, love, I-I can’t…” Aziraphale had grabbed the outer edge of Crowley’s wings, squeezing hard enough to make his dark love flinch. He didn’t pull them free, though. He backed off slightly, teasing just the tip with his tongue, making Aziraphale gasp and moan. 

“Angel…” Crowley smiled. He really, really loved doing this. He would have backed off, just for a moment, but Aziraphale was dangerously close to orgasm. He decided against teasing him and took as much as he could of him in his mouth, sucking hard. 

“Crowley!” It was all Aziraphale could get out before he climaxed, letting out a helpless cry before slumping amid the blankets, shuddering. “Oh Crowley, darling…” He lay there for a moment, eyes closed, before looking up at Crowley with a blissful smile, his eyes soft. 

“Angel…” All Crowley could do for a moment was just gaze at him in utter adoration. How anyone could be that beautiful, he didn’t know. He finally slid up to kiss him on the mouth and Aziraphale returned it, pulling him closer. 

“I love you,” he murmured when their lips finally parted, pushing a stray red lock out of Crowley’s face. He couldn’t figure out what was supposed to be so bad about this. Crowley smelled like dark chocolate and cinnamon and tasted like pure lust and Aziraphale couldn’t get enough of him. 

“Oh angel,” Crowley sighed, twining around him. “I have always loved you.”

They lay together for a little while, content, Aziraphale about half-asleep while Crowley, who was admittedly not much more awake, ran his fingers through his wing feathers. For all his fastidiousness with his outfits, his angel tended to neglect his wings. He also, as Crowley had discovered, loved having them preened and fussed with. He just needed someone else to do it. 

“Dearest…” Aziraphale murmured after a little while, waking up enough to kiss Crowley softly on the mouth. Between having his wings stroked and the sheer pleasure of being in his dark love’s arms, he was starting to get aroused all over again.

“Angel…” Crowley, realizing, pulled him closer, nuzzling him. “Take me. I need you.”

“Are you sure, dearest?” Aziraphale wanted to, very much, but wanted to be sure Crowley still did. 

Crowley kissed him, hard. “Very sure.”

“Do we have…”

“Up there. In the endtable drawer.” Crowley expected there would be a bottle of lube in there, so of course, there was. He smiled languidly up at his angel. “See? I thought of everything.”

“You’re too much, dear heart.” Aziraphale kissed him softly. “And love? If you change your mind, you can tell me to stop whenever, you know.”

“I’m not going to change my mind – oh, angel…” Crowley shivered as Aziraphale kissed him again, much harder this time, then moved to kiss the side of his throat. He whimpered, clutching at his angel’s shoulder almost as though he was trying to push him off – although he wasn’t. He was more nervous than he wanted to let on, but he trusted Aziraphale. 

Without the urgency of trying to hold back an imminent orgasm, Aziraphale was free to take his time, pretending that it was the first time he’d ever touched Crowley, kissed him. Already sensitized, Crowley was a trembling wreck in no time.

“Angel, please…” All at once he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming all of this, that he might have been out in the barn still, about to discorporate from the cold…

“Dearest…” Aziraphale slid up to kiss him again, finding the bottle he’d dropped amid the blankets. “Are you ready?

Crowley nodded, unable to speak, then cried out as Aziraphale kissed just the tip of his redoubled erection before carefully working a finger into him. 

“Is that all right, love?” he said, looking up. Crowley had his eyes closed and his head partially turned, his tangled red hair mostly hiding his face.

“D-don’t stop…please, angel, don’t s-stop…” Crowley was afraid it would be too much if he tried to meet Aziraphale’s gaze. He hissed sharply as Aziraphale eased his second and third fingers in at the same time, gently stroking until he found that one perfect spot that made his dark love cry out again, arching off the rug and clutching at the blankets. “Aziraphale!”

Aziraphale smiled. He’d learned by now just how much Crowley could take, and delighted in teasing him to the very edge time and again. He kept stroking, finally pulling his fingers out at just the right instant – or the wrong one, depending on whose point of view it was. 

“Angel…” Crowley looked at him, helpless. “Don’t leave me like this…”

“Oh, I don’t know, dearest. I just might,” Aziraphale leaned over to nuzzle his cheek. “Maybe if you ask really, really nicely, though…”

“I thought angels were supposed to be nice…” Crowley wasn’t quite sure what he’d just said. He was close, so close, and Aziraphale’s body so close to his was driving him wild, but it wasn’t quite enough – and his angel knew it. 

“Whatever gave you that idea?” Aziraphale kissed him quickly. “Silly old serpent. And are you ready, love?”

Crowley nodded. “Please. I need you so bad…”

Aziraphale looked around, then grabbed one of the many pillows off the sofa and shoved it under Crowley’s hips, so he wouldn’t have to roll him over. He wanted to watch his reactions. 

“Are you ready, love?” he said again, breathless. 

“Please…” Crowley had his eyes closed, almost as if he was frightened. He whimpered when he felt Aziraphale’s redoubled erection pressing against him, then gasped and hissed as he slowly slid into him. It was uncomfortable, bordering on painful, but it also felt so good that he didn’t want Aziraphale to stop. “Angel!” He clutched at him, wrapping his legs around his waist and trying to steady them both with his wings spread out across the floor. He knew what Aziraphale was trying to do, but it was a really awkward position. 

“Darling…” Aziraphale wrapped his wings around them both. He was completely overwhelmed - nothing could have prepared him for how amazing this felt - and couldn’t move, as badly as he needed to. 

“Don’t be gentle. Hurt me…” Crowley whimpered. “Please, hurt me…”

“Darling…” Aziraphale had recovered his senses a bit – enough to move, at least. “Crowley, my love…” He was trying to take it slow, but overbalanced and fell against Crowley, ending up thrusting into him a lot harder than he meant to.

Crowley almost screamed. “Angel, I – oh fuck, angel, d-do that again!”. 

“Crowley, love…” Aziraphale managed to get them into a position where they weren’t as likely to end up falling off the pillow. It really was most awkward, but it felt so good…

Crowley clung to him, whimpering with each thrust. He couldn’t figure out how Aziraphale could be rough and gentle all at the same time. “Harder…” he whimpered. “Hurt me, angel, please. Hurt me…” He wasn’t sure if he meant it or not. In his darker moments of self-hatred, he had indeed fantasized about Aziraphale doing very brutal, ugly things to him, while he wept and begged him to stop, but secretly wanted him to go ahead, make him feel as horrible and worthless as he undoubtedly was – and hating himself all the more for being so aroused by it. 

“Crowley, my darling, my love…” Aziraphale planted little fluttering kisses over his face and throat instead, using his wings to steady himself as he reached for his love’s neglected erection. Although he’d discovered that he actually enjoyed roleplaying, he very much drew the line at Crowley’s darker fantasies. “I’m not going to do that to you. For the most part.” He gave Crowley’s earlobe a little nip.

Crowley caught his breath sharply, digging his nails into his angel’s back. Seduction had been part of his job description as a demon, and he would happily admit he’d enjoyed it. But nothing – absolutely nothing – he’d done in the past six thousand or so years compared to anything Aziraphale could do to him. Nothing he’d done with anyone else had ever felt this good. Nothing...although he was thinking he should actually be doing something to Aziraphale besides clinging to him for dear life at the moment, but he wasn’t capable of figuring out what. He was too close to orgasm to really think.

“Crowley!” Aziraphale whispered. “Look at me!” He wasn’t going to last much longer, either, and he wanted to be looking into Crowley’s eyes when he climaxed. 

“Angel…?” Crowley managed to meet his angel’s gaze, his eyes wide, almost frightened. “Angel, I…” He kissed Aziraphale quickly. “I…oh, Aziraphale!” 

Aziraphale kissed him, trying to balance on his partly-folded wings so he could pull Crowley tightly against him without having to pull out. It was a very awkward position, but that didn’t matter; they were both about to climax. He braced himself for one final hard thrust…

“Angel!” Crowley screamed as if Aziraphale had thrust his flaming sword through his heart instead, clutching at him as he came and spasming hard enough to pull Aziraphale off his already-precarious balance, causing them to fall together and roll off the pillow. 

“Crowley!” The abrupt movement was too much for Aziraphale; he couldn’t hold out any longer, either. He wrapped his one free wing tightly around Crowley, burying his face against his dark love’s shoulder to muffle his own cry as he climaxed, even though there wasn’t anybody else there to hear them. “Oh, Crowley, my love…” 

“Angel…” Crowley clung to him, shivering in the aftermath, although he wasn’t cold any more. Anything but. 

Aziraphale hugged him tighter. It was quite possibly the most perfect moment of his existence so far. Never mind that he thought that every time they made love. It didn’t make it not perfect.

They lay together for a little while, happily exhausted, both drenched with sweat and the aftermath of their respective climaxes. 

“I don’t really have to ask if you liked that, do I, sweetheart?” Aziraphale finally murmured. 

“Oh, angel…” Crowley roused himself enough to kiss Aziraphale softly on the mouth. “I love you.” For the first time in three weeks, he actually felt like everything was going to be all right. 

“I love you, too.” Aziraphale kissed his nose. “Crowley, darling, you’re always so beautiful.” He was a gorgeous, undone mess; pale and flushed all at once, his hair a mess of long tangled red waves. 

“You’re the one who’s beautiful.” Crowley sighed, snuggling closer. Aziraphale was breathless and flushed, damp curls clinging to his face - in other words, more than slightly breathtaking. 

“I’m a bit of a sight right now, dearest.” Aziraphale knew he was a mess, but he really didn’t care. 

“I don’t care. You’re beautiful. I’m never letting you go.” Crowley kissed him again, finally realizing he was lying on Aziraphale’s left wing. His own tattered left wing was wrapped snugly around his angel. 

“I see that, my love,” Aziraphale said with a gentle laugh. Crowley had him quite effectively, albeit unintentionally, pinned. “And I hate to spoil the moment, but my wing’s falling asleep.”

“Sorry, angel.” Crowley moved enough for Aziraphale to pull his wing free, wincing in sympathy along with Aziraphale as pins and needles coursed through it. He flexed it a couple of times. 

“I suppose I should have turned the light off,” he said, snuggling back amid the blankets. He was suddenly feeling self-conscious again. 

“Why? I love looking at you. Not to mention making love to you. You’re perfect.” Crowley sighed happily, curling back against Aziraphale and nuzzling his shoulder, ending up back on his wing in the process. “Oh, angel…” 

“Darling…” Aziraphale didn’t really mind. He hugged his dark love tighter, curling his wing around them both. He loved this bit as much as the act itself. His beloved Crowley was usually a bundle of nerves; only in his post-orgasmic daze was he ever truly relaxed. 

They lay together for a while, not speaking, or needing to. Aziraphale was gently preening Crowley’s stress-ravaged wings, hoping the flights would at least come back in normally. It was so soothing that Crowley was half-asleep, finally warm for the first time since that morning and finally feeling completely safe and loved again. He whimpered pleasurably when Aziraphale broke the sheath on a particularly itchy covert. 

“So, what shall we call our little farm, dear?” Aziraphale said finally. 

“I don’t know…” Crowley really wasn’t thinking much past the moment at that point besides hoping that Aziraphale would want to make love again soon. He snuggled closer, then started and yelped when Aziraphale unsheathed a particularly sensitive pinfeather. “Ow!”

“I’m sorry, dearest.” Aziraphale flinched in sympathy. 

“It happens…” Crowley looked behind himself at the wing in question – and froze. “Uh - angel? Something’s – off…”

“What is it? A blood feather? I…” Aziraphale got up on an elbow to look and his eyes went wide. The feathers he’d unsheathed weren’t black. 

They were the same pure, iridescent white as his own (admittedly breathtaking) wings.

“Crowley, love…” He brushed his fingers softly across the feathers, making Crowley shiver. “See? I told you it would be all right.” 

“Wait, what?” Crowley was dumbfounded. “I must be going prematurely gray or something….” He sat up, pulling his wing around to look more closely. “Am I going to have to start dyeing them?” He had no idea how  
he’d do that, but he supposed it would be messy. 

“We don’t go gray, love,” Aziraphale said gently. “And no.”

“But why are they coming in white?” Crowley was completely missing the obvious. “Is it because it’s a stress molt?” He looked at Aziraphale, his strange eyes wide. 

“No. I think you’ve been forgiven, dearest.” Aziraphale sat up as well, reaching over to run his fingers through a long corkscrew curl falling over Crowley’s shoulder. 

“Me? No! No way would I ever be forgiven. Not after what I did back in the Garden. Never mind inventing glitter. And traffic roundabouts and red hair dye that turns the entire bathroom red and umbrellas that blow inside out, not to mention robocalls about your vehicle’s extended warranty and….mmph!” Crowley’s protest was cut off when Aziraphale kissed him on the mouth. It turned into a very long kiss. 

“You didn’t invent any of that. Now hush,” he said when their lips finally parted. 

“Okay, yeah, most that was Hastur and Ligur. But still…..glitter.” Crowley had a feeling he might actually be blushing. Aziraphale was looking at him with so much adoration and affection that he felt his knees going weak even though he was sitting down. 

_Was it worth losing everything to your libido, Crowley?_ Hastur had sneered.

 _Okay one, it’s called “love,” you asshole, and two…I didn’t fucking lose anything. I found the whole world. Fuck that, the whole universe and everything else. All in one soft round angel. You’ll never have what I have. And I really should have told him that, but he probably would have discorporated me._

Aziraphale laughed. They had both ended up covered in glitter after one of Crowley’s more epic pranks went quite spectacularly wrong and discovered that hard way that it couldn’t be simply miracled away. Although ending up in the shower with Crowley while trying to wash it out of his wings had been more than worth it. 

“Angel, I…” Crowley hugged him. “I was so afraid I’d make you fall….”

“Oh, but you did, darling. Just not the way you thought.” Aziraphale pulled him closer, lying back down with him in his arms and kissing him again. 

“You say that every time,” Crowley murmured between kisses. After a moment, though, he pushed Aziraphale back just enough to look at him. “I really don’t think they’d take me back. I’m sure it’s just a fluke. Damage or something. Don’t get your hopes up, angel.”

“Stop that.” Aziraphale gently pushed him onto his back, ending up on top of him. “Am I going to have to make love to you again?”

“I certainly hope so,” Crowley retorted, then kissed him.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New feathers grow in encased in an opaque keratin sheath that's usually white but on some birds is black. You can't tell the color of the feather through the sheath.


	6. I Could Have Stayed There Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interlude, some philosophical pillow talk and a quick snowball fight.

“Love? Are you awake?” Aziraphale murmured. 

“I think the more accurate question would be “Am I conscious?” But yes.” Crowley curled around him with a contented sigh, happily tangled in the blankets and Aziraphale’s wings. “I think I’m going to be sore, though.” They had ended up making love twice more, although Crowley had ended up on top the last time. 

“Silly old serpent,” Aziraphale said with a laugh, snuggling closer. 

They lay together for a while, not speaking, or really needing to. 

“This is perfect, isn’t it darling?” Aziraphale finally sighed. 

“Yeah, it is. Maybe even better.” Crowley got up on an elbow to see if it was still snowing, but night was starting to fall and he couldn’t tell. “You know it’s getting dark out there already?

“They say time flies when you’re having fun.” Aziraphale sat up enough to look out as well, then stretched back out on the rug. Crowley curled up with him, tucking his head under his chin. 

“I guess we should get up eventually,” he said. Not that he wanted to. He was fine right where he was. 

“Eventually, yes.” Aziraphale wasn’t in any particular hurry, either. 

Crowley traced his index finger in an odd pattern across his angel’s chest, then stretched up to kiss him on the mouth. “And now you’re mine.”

Aziraphale smiled. “That was your sigil, I take it?” He returned the kiss, tracing his own equally odd sigil between his dark love’s wings. “Now we’ll never be parted.” It actually had no significance as anything more than a playful gesture, given that they were now on equal footing. 

“Like I’m planning on going anywhere dressed like this.” Crowley snuggled back close, draping one of his own tattered wings across Aziraphale as well. 

“You’re too much.” Aziraphale kissed the top of his head. 

“I know. Just hold me,” Crowley sighed. 

“You know, dearest, I really am failing to see what’s so inherently bad about this,” Aziraphale said after a few minutes.

“About what?” Crowley looked up.

“This. I mean, it is lust, isn’t it?”

“Well, technically yes, it is, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a sin.” Crowley sat up to look at him. “You see, we’re not hurting anyone. No one’s being coerced into anything, no one’s being forced. We just basically love one another and coincidentally want to fuck each other senseless. So it actually doesn’t fall under that whole “it’s a sin” thing.” He thought about it for a moment. “I think that’s actually the whole difference, right there. Intent.”

“Intent to hurt someone else, you mean?” Aziraphale said. He was still lying on the rug, looking up at Crowley with the same thoughtful expression he had when reading something particularly interesting. It was particularly adorable under the circumstances. 

“Exactly. That’s what your lot up there keep missing, especially when it comes to this. It’s not bad to want to be loved, angel. And sex isn’t bad, either. It’s forcing it on someone who doesn’t want it, isn’t interested in it, that’s bad. But what we’re doing? Nothing bad about it at all.” Crowley reached for Aziraphale’s hand as he spoke, twining his fingers through his angel’s. 

“They always made it sound so horrid, you know.” For all their talk about love, the other angels were dismissive at best of any show of affection, considering it weak and “human.” Aziraphale had never even been in anyone’s arms, much less anyone else’s bed, before the apocalypse that wasn’t. He hadn’t even known how badly he needed to be until Crowley, sensing how exhausted and shell-shocked he was, had sat down on the sofa with him, hugged him and not let go. 

“And my side – well, my former side, I should say, I guess – wasn’t big on it either. Not that I didn’t try to explain myself.” Crowley made a wry face, then leaned over to kiss Aziraphale’s pert nose. “That went over like a lead balloon.” 

Aziraphale smiled at that. He was relieved to see Crowley recovering at least some of his usual aplomb. “And they can’t understand that hurting others is the real sin.” 

“Exactly. All it really boils down to is “don’t be an asshole.” Crowley snuggled back down amid the blankets. “And just for the record, I’ve been in love with you since the Garden.”

“Really?”

“Well, yeah.” Crowley looked shy. “I mean – okay, I’d been watching you since the beginning. You were so beautiful. And then you didn’t hate me for – what I did. And that whole bit with the sword. I thought all angels were stuffy pricks, but you were so – well, sweet.” He had been curious when he’d heard Aziraphale singing to Eve one afternoon and poked his head out of a tree to see what was going on. Aziraphale had been surprised to see him, but had merely smiled and beeped his nose, leaving Crowley – aka Crawley at the time – utterly smitten with the Angel of the Eastern Gate. 

“You didn’t know, love. You were just doing your job. And you want to know when I realized I was in love with you?”

“When?”

Aziraphale kissed his nose. “When you made your grand entrance into that church just as I was about to be discorporated by Nazis.” 

“Yeah, well, I always said I’d walk on fire for you.” The sheer adoration in Crowley’s eyes belied his true feelings. “So – I did. Because nobody is going to hurt my angel.” He kissed Aziraphale softly. 

“I couldn’t believe you came back. I almost thought you had to be with them for a moment, because I couldn’t make myself believe you’d come back for me,” Aziraphale admitted. 

“Why not?” 

“Because it doesn’t work that way in Heaven. One mistake, one false step and it’s – over. They turn their backs on you.” Aziraphale shivered a bit. “Not that I really think they ever thought that much of me in the first place. And I tried. I really did. I tried so hard…” He trailed off, his blue-hazel eyes betraying a vulnerability that he rarely let anyone see. “But you kept coming back to me. You forgave me.” Despite its reputation, Heaven was actually not a very loving place. Especially not for a misfit angel like Aziraphale. 

“Not really. I mean, I didn’t have anything to forgive you for. So don’t expect absolution from me anytime soon.” Crowley kissed him again. “Look angel, I’m not much, but I love you. And anyone who tries to hurt you is going to have to deal with me. And I’m not nice.”

“You are nice, dear.” Aziraphale gave him a sweetly innocent look, all big blue eyes. 

“I am not nice.” Crowley tried to scowl, but was having a very hard time not smiling at how utterly adorable his angel looked. He gave up after about ten seconds, laughed and kissed Aziraphale again. “Okay, maybe, but don’t you dare tell anyone.” He gazed into his angel’s eyes for a moment, then solemnly touched the tip of his nose. “And you know what? That lot didn’t deserve you. You’re way too good for them, angel.”

“Not to hear them tell it.” Aziraphale said, snuggling into Crowley’s embrace. 

“Yeah, well, fuck them – figuratively, I mean.” Crowley hugged him tighter, curling around him. “Because you are just enough of a bastard to be worth loving and I love you more than anything. Got that?”

“I love you, too.” It had taken the unrelenting affections of a demon who was far nicer than he cared to let on to start to convince Aziraphale that he might, in fact, be worth loving. He wasn’t sure he was there yet. But as long as he had Crowley…

~*~

A little after midnight, Crowley was lying awake in bed in a cozy tangle of blankets and wings with Aziraphale snuggled in his arms, sound asleep. His angel’s claims of never sleeping were more than a little exaggerated. Of course, they’d also made love yet again after actually going to bed, so he figured Aziraphale was probably exhausted. 

He wished he could sleep, but he couldn’t stop thinking. 

Unlike Aziraphale, he wasn’t convinced that the white feathers on his wings meant he’d been redeemed. He was sure it was just a fluke. Damage from the molt. There was no way Heaven was going to take him back – and he wasn’t sure he’d want to, anyway. He’d seen all too clearly the way they treated his angel. His beautiful, plump, blue-eyed darling angel. The one he wasn’t supposed to love, but did, more than anything. 

_If you fuckers even think of doing anything to him, I will fucking end you. I mean it._

That first night...he had been certain it was to be their last night in existence. They hadn’t anything to lose. Aziraphale had been a mess – exhausted, in shock, no idea what to do or how – but he’d been perfectly willing to be taken to Crowley’s bed and have his dark love do everything to him. He hadn’t even known what was happening when he climaxed that first time, clinging desperately to Crowley, wide-eyed and almost frightened at the intensity of what he was feeling. Crowley himself suspected that had they not made love that night, not known each other in that sense, they would never have been able to pull off the body swap that saved them both. 

And if he’d been banished for this, well – as long as he had Aziraphale, it was worth it. He curled around the still-sleeping Aziraphale, wrapping him in his tattered wings

Aziraphale stirred and snuggled closer with a sigh. “Crowley darling?”

“Angel?” Crowley hugged him tighter. 

“I love you.”

“And I love you.” Crowley kissed the top of his head. 

“I don’t know what I expected this to be like, but it wasn’t like this.” Aziraphale looked up at him, his eyes impossibly soft in the dim light. “I didn’t know anything could be this perfect.” 

“I did.” Crowley kissed his nose. “You’re that perfect.”

“Dearest…” Aziraphale was pretty sure he was blushing. “Did you do something to the mattress?”

“Memory foam.” He’d switched it while waiting for Aziraphale to join him in bed. “This bed could be bigger, you know.”

“The room could be bigger. Maybe we should just go ahead and take the master bedroom, love.” Aziraphale looked embarrassed. He’d unthinkingly spread his wings wide in the throes of passion and nearly knocked the night table over. Only a very quick miracle by Crowley had saved it and the lamp atop it. 

“Or move the night table.” Crowley said with a laugh, kissing him. The fit of laughter he’d succumbed to when it happened hadn’t killed the mood at all. “You know, every time I think I couldn’t be more in love with you, I find out I’m wrong.” 

“Silly old serpent. I love you too, my darling.” Aziraphale would have loved to try for another round, but he was too exhausted. He nestled closer. “Love?”

“Angel?”

“Kiss me goodnight?” Aziraphale looked up, all big blue eyes.

“Oh, angel…” Crowley kissed him softly. “Good night, love.”

They fell asleep soon after, safe in each other’s’ arms.

~*~

Aziraphale stepped out onto the top step and looked around. “Oh my goodness. Dear, look at this.” It was late the next morning and whatshisname – Desmond – had indeed lived up to the media hype. 

“I’m looking. And I’m also thinking we need to find a place in say, Hawaii.” Crowley stepped out behind him. The air was still, damp and icy and the sky was cold slate gray against the white expanse of fresh snow. 

“Now dearest, you have to admit that it’s quite lovely,” Aziraphale scolded affectionately. 

“We have a foot of it. With another on the way,” Crowley pointed out. The storm was apparently coming in two waves. “We’re going to be stuck here until April.”

“You say that like’s it’s a bad thing.” Aziraphale took a cautious step off the porch. “I wonder if there’s a snow shovel anywhere?”

“Just wait until it stops for good and miracle it away,” Crowley said. “I’ll do it if – well, if I still can…” 

“I’m sure you can, dearest,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley decided to give it a try. Much to his relief, he was able to clear a path from the back steps to the shed with a quick snap of his fingers. “I’ve still got it, angel.”

“I knew you could.” Aziraphale blew him a kiss and started down the newly-cleared path. 

Crowley, unable to resist, packed a quick snowball. “Hey angel, heads up!” 

Aziraphale didn’t get a chance to turn around before he was hit from behind. 

“Why you little…” He returned fire and Crowley ducked, laughing – only to be hit with the next one.

“Okay, that’s it, angel. This is war!” Although he couldn’t fly at the moment, he could still get enough lift for a quick glide – enough to tackle Aziraphale into the snow. 

“Crowley!” Aziraphale easily wrestled him onto his back, but they were both laughing too hard by then to do anything else. Crowley finally pulled Aziraphale down with him to kiss him. 

“I thought you hated the snow, dearest,” Aziraphale said when their lips finally parted. 

Crowley smiled. “I can deal with it for your sake.” He kissed Aziraphale again, softly. “My darling angel.”

“Oh Crowley…” Aziraphale finally understood what humans meant when they said they were melting. He’d never imagined anyone looking at him the way Crowley was. Being an angel, loving everything was his nature, but he’d never thought he’d be loved in return. He’d never imagined he was worthy of being loved in return. 

“Listen, if I’m going to get myself kicked out of Hell for loving you, then I’m going to make it count. Just don’t tell anybody, okay? I do have an image to maintain.” He stood up, brushing off snow, then helped Aziraphale up. After he helped him brush off as much as possible, he pulled him back into his arms. “But listen, I didn’t think it was even possible to love anyone as much as I love you. You’re everything to me.”

“I know it took me too long. But I was afraid of what might happen,” Aziraphale admitted. He looked away for a moment. “And I really – didn’t see how you could love me.” 

“Listen, all you had to do was make big blue eyes at me back in the Garden. I was toast,” Crowley said. They ended up in another long kiss. 

“And it’s snowing again,” Crowley said when their lips parted, looking up. “Come on, angel, let’s go in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was working on this part a couple of weeks ago, we had a snowstorm that did just this - hit in two waves. We didn't end up with nearly as much where I live, but just upstate they got over two feet. Maybe I should have written about a midwinter heat wave instead. 
> 
> Their meeting in the Garden was borrowed from a particularly adorable bit of fan art where Aziraphale does just that - spies Crowley in serpent form and boops his nose.

**Author's Note:**

> Maddy (aka the Lady Madrigal Baker) and Celine are OC's of mine. They'll make more of an appearance in another story.  
> Turco's is a real place near where I used to work. It's just as described. And yes, they had a make-to-order sushi stand in the food court. I miss that place. And Aziraphale trying to remember what they need is me shopping.


End file.
